Blargh.

Well, Howdy Do?

Yep. Yup. Uh Huh.






*siiiiiigh* grummgeroijgnfknflkafd.ssxzakl,dddsdsafljlk;jfdcsgxk;jdsfaklj;.






Term, hurry up and end- and if you could do that before all these frickin tests please!!! -_-




Usually, I'm not one who worries about tests and things (though I soon will be) and I'm not worrying. I just...there's so much to do, and I don't really wanna do any of it to begin with. I would just love to be my old self were playing video games weren't just the distraction or relaxtion, but they WERE the challenge, and the analysis and application and reading and comprehension......not some standardized test taken by multiple people, but an individualistic approach to my own thought processess...and trigger finger.

For now, all that they are are something that AREN'T my homework. I seem to have created in my mind a world of homework and a world that isn't homework.
Anything not homework is inherently evil, or a waste of my time.
And the homework itself isn't the challenge that I found with video games (though they are plenty challenging) it's a requirement...

I need to find that distinct separation which turns homework into MY challenge, not a work project assigned by a teacher, but an exposition and increase of my own abilities and a correct and worthwhile use of my time...I wish.





And of course, I'm writing late at night, so you know what that means!!!

-_- A man of contradictions, am I. (See, I even doubted whether I was entirely a man just now.)







I look around, and I'm surrounded by strangers. Not far away from loved ones, or better yet, surrounded by loved ones, NO!...surrounded by strangers...


I feel that what I do is so different from public and common act. How I speak is different, weird. And now those groups of people and sets of video games which I could go to for comfort in this area are now...well...I mean, they're still THERE and all and I can talk with them, or play them, but...it's not the same anymore...





Guys on Facebook are stressing over Prom. I'm not. (well, that's not true, just there are so many other things that I rank higher than Prom right now...To be honest, I wouldn't even care whether I went or not.)

My family just continues to play board games, watch television, play video games... And I really want to too! But I still have work to do and... (admittedly, I could have finished this sooner, but the time that was taking to do that was cleaning the house (quite a bit) and playing with my bro, or talking with my dad, or chatting with my mom, or playing with my sis...

Church is good though. We finally got our new classes, and now I'm back with the kids my age, and a little older. It's nice to finally be in a class that actually learns, and has girls xD and I've been taking copious notes, in church, and in seminary, and in school in general, actually.





Huh. That's one good thing I have had (and perhaps may have resulted in this separation that I've been whining to you about xD).

And my notes...well, I certainly like them...if I would use them...see, I've been taking wonderful dang notes anywhere and on anything necessary, anytime. The only problem is, I'm not using them. Simply put.

Like, I can't really remember the memorized music for the piano anymore. If I have the sheet music though, my fingers can fly, and my spirit can soar...but if I sit at the band room piano, I just draw a depressing blank as I play Maybe one or two songs...

My AP US History notes are amazing, but my multiple choice scores are just terrible. But I know that's cause I'm not actually taking the time to read the chapter. (Instead I'm doing stuff like writing in my blog)






[You must be loving this entry, me going randomly from place to place xD I'm just kinda emptying my mind out into the page, it kinda skips, I know...]


#1 Reading Pride and Prejudice
#2 Reading Theodore Roosevelt

I was reading 1 and...well...I didn't like it, I didn't dislike it. I found nothing too interesting in it. All the characters have a small trait of myself, but no one I can relate to in particular (Mr. Bingley is that really nice courteous guy I try to be at dances, going around the edges to get the girls and guys to dance that aren't or won't, always being as polite as possible, gladly dancing and talking)......
Yet, in that very same dance, I find myself decaying into Mr. Darcy (Getting depressed by either girls refusing to dance, or couples gladly dancing away, being separated from a group, or even worse, ignored by one, whether I was in it or not;
I become a social wall. Any attempt to do anything for me will just rebound back in your face, and then it makes me feel even worse cause I probably made your night suck too, and then...yeah, you get the picture...)


But, Theodore Roosevelt :) That was pretty cool cowboy. He was a man who fought not for the rich man, or for the poor man, but for the UPRIGHT MAN. Although he was plagued with asthmar, bad vision, and sickly physique as a child, He worked hard, and merely overcame or ignored his weaknesses- He became strong, he was extremely energetic, and did SO much in his lifetime, it's incredible. A small portion of the world loved him, the rest hated him, but no matter, he continued on, defending the UPRIGHT MAN and all those truly American ideals, not all that economic socialistic crap that plagued his decade. He was a righteous arbiter in the judges of his people, neither Republican or Democrat, Economist or Socialist, Conservative or Progressive, Rich or Poor.

I'd like to be someone like that.

I have certainly already had the background (fat kid, lazy, could be smart, could work hard, but chooses not, and idle away his time with video games)

But could I be the hard worker that Roosevelt was?
Could I accomplish anything in comparison to what he did?
I'm gonna go to bed now, and find out :)
Good night.