You know, I used to believe for the longest time, that I had no desire for social interaction with people. Now, of course I understand the necessary conversations with parents, teachers, close friends, etc...but...when given the choice between being alone and being with someone I wasn't all that fond of;...
I chose alone everytime.
I guess, I thought it was easier. A wall doesn't have feelings. Maybe it can't love me, but it can't hate me either.
I can hug a tree and feel good...it just won't hug me back.
I don't know whether it was the soccer tournament (Where I could have easily swindled myself out of going), or some other occurence [probably these loooong summer days after trek, eng state, and efy], but right now I have a real desire to talk to people. Not just to have an online conversation, where I see a non-moving picture, and some words pop up on a screen...but faces, voices, feelings.
Oh...Yeah, the main reason I'm feeling this is that I just watched Where the Wild Things Are.
"It's not a children's movie. It's a movie about childhood." -Spike Jonze.
The point of the monsters was to exaggerate and magnify the good, wonderful, sad, and terrible feelings that we have...whether it be happiness, fun, contentedness, or rage, anguish, guilt, and jealousy...
Oddly enough, it didn't make me want to run, as Max did at first (And how I felt when I first saw it). I saw it as...a challenge :)
Human Beings are complex creatures. We have a physical body that pumps blood and oxygen throughout our system to keep us alive, but we also have a brain with thoughts, emotions, and feelings. And of course, we have our imperceptible spirit.
We have to be careful with others- Say something mean and they will feel bad, and their thought about you will lessen. But say something nice, and they will feel good, their about you will expand, get better.
And more than that- Do something good, and they feel a positive feeling from your action, and vice versa.
And...I really want that complexity. I want to be challenged around every turn. Because if I'm not, I'll never know how high I could have really soared. Never know whether or not I COULD have been a good person, or not.
While I was thinking about writing this, I pondered over that desire I have to discuss a book that I just read with someone, even if (or especially if) they didn't read it...And the same for a movie, tv show, anything...
I don't know, I just...Simply reading or watching it isn't enough. There's so much more that I think about, so much to compare, analyze, or apply.
My thought process slid from there to that condition in someone else, my significant other. I have heard people that make a list of the traits that they want in the person that they marry, yet who they married was nothing like any of them.
That beautiful daughter of God that I find will have that trait. I know that, because that will most likely be what connects us. Going to the movies with any average date, we will comment and say "Yeah, that was a good movie." But when I find her, I will be able to ask her, "What did the movie make you feel like? What did you learn?"
Not only will she answer completely, really getting into the heart of the matter, but she'll ask me the same question, and then add a question of her own.
We'll...converse :) I know that for a fact because the Spirit told me :)
*sigh* Felt good to BLOG....(Say that by sticking out your tongue and make the most obnoxious sound possible while still saying blog.)
Although I'd rather talk to someone, and not type to myself, this works...for now :)
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