Moral Issues

Yes, yes, I know I shouldn't be writing right about now, but frankly my dear, I don't give a darn.



So, today I went golfing and then to the USU/BYU football game with my dad and my brother. It was way fun! I was glad to have a chance to hang out with those guys.



I still have some homework I need to do, but general conference is coming up tomorrow, and the day afterwards...








...So, now for the reason that I'm actually writing tonight...









I'm struggling.

With a lot of things...

School, obviously, would be the easiest one to point to for blame, but to be honest, I could handle school easily with a bit more effort and time put into it. And all the other things surrounding school (Musical, Sterling Scholar (which I'm not doing), NHS, and taking the ACT), aren't really that time-consuming. EVEN with the few social outings that I more frequently attend these days, I COULD still make it with inches to spare.

But...

I'm going back into that hole.

You know the one.

It's not senioritis, because that would require the feelings to be new (of lack of caring, laziness, boredom, etc.).

No, this is the same thing I do, over and over again, no matter how hard I try to reform, and to stop.



Lately, I have begun to "separate" myself between everything: When I'm at church, I pay attention, and take notes on what people say. When I'm at school, I pay attention to the teachers, learn, and work hard. But when I get home, all that I want to do (and end up doing), is laze about, playing video games and watching television. And then, having stayed up watching or playing, it becomes extremely difficult to fall asleep (Hence, my current state).

I attempt to justify it, saying, "Oh, I just need to relax for a little bit, and then I'll do my homework." But 4 hours later, when I come out of the haze, I look around my clothes are still lying about my room, my homework is still in my backpack, and worst of all, I don't want to do any of it. It looks detestable.



I can't continue like this. This road is leading slowly to nowhere, because I'm attempting to branch out in opposite directions at the same speed.



The thing is, I don't REALLY know what to do...Okay, correction, I do know what to do, but putting it into action and MAINTAINING it is very difficult.







All I can say is, that will be my focus tomorrow and the day after during general conference.

After all, general conference is personal revelation, if only one would listen.