Ahh, and what a beautiful night it is :)
It could be getting back from the weekend, and today was merely a trial of getting back into the school week, or it could also be the combination of choices and consequences (Greek, followed by The Secret Life) on tv on mondays, or some other reason, but I like it.
I would have no problem only writing once a week, as long as it was progressive.
It seems to be that way.
And the tree was happy.
Yes :)
So, here's the lowdown...Last week...nothing too interesting...but the weekend...yes.
I talked to Alena late into the night, each night, and it was great.
Sunday was the Stake Conference, and against all odds, Teagan sat next to me ;D
(I felt that feeling...the irrepressible somersault...) But it went by fast, and John Bytheway is a wonderfully talented speaker. (ooh...............................it's so hard to resist saying it.........)
But, while there, I got the stake president to sign my seminary release form for next year for early morning seminary. I also stacked chairs with connor and daniel for teagan's sudden disappearance......
And not for that reason...I was sucked in. The night claimed me, and I let it go out of control. It wasn't good. It was bad.
It was even worse because it took me until the following night to repent of it.
But I am. HOPEfully the repenting part is gaining ground...we'll see.
"But time went by."
"And the boy grew older."
"And the tree was often alone."
"Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy."
"I am too big to climb and play," said the boy. "I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money. Can you give me some money?"
"I'm sorry," said the tree, "But I hav eno money. I have only leaves and apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you will be happy."
And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away.
And the tree was happy......(about 10 pages later).....but not really.
Those lines, from The Giving Tree, have some of my happiest moments, of when Mom would come in, into me and Mitchell's room. Sometimes I would shift the bunk bed to a couch, sometimes mitchell would sit with us, sometimes he'd be on top. Sometimes I laid down too, because I was tired and sick.
But Mom would come, and read us stories, EVERY night. She always did. And I can never love her enough for it.
Today in seminary, a particularily rowdy day, and it was tricky to feel the spirit, Bro. Miller talked more about planting a seed. He gave us a 6th period cup, and told us about the scriptures where it talks about, and he planted a seed in me.
This seed wasn't noticed until late on Monday Twilight.
But it sprouted.
And it has brought forth a good seed.
(Because I won't have a soon enough chance for a testimony meeting, especially like the one we shared with the teacher's quorum, I wanted to write this down. To always remember it.)
As i prayed over my scriptures (directly on) I asked forgiveness for my sins, help in my trials, and expressed thankfulness for the seed of the word of God planted in me; I prepared for two things. One, about what I was saying and what it meant, and Two, of how I should open my scriptures to be directed.
Opening my eyes, instead, I stood up, and walked to the family room.
I recited this phrase as I walked, which we were memorizing in seminary that day, just before the lessons about the tree.
Alma 37: 6-7
Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me, but Behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise; And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes' and by very small means the lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls.
And just as I finished, I knew which book my hand was led to.
The Giving Tree
It is the story of a boy, and a tree. This boy, he loved the tree. And the tree loved the boy. They played, and swung, and ate, and had fun together.
But then, the boy left. He didn't come back for a long time, but, the tree was happy.
(I wondered, oh I must be the tree, I am the 'bridge' between my friends, 'the peacekeeper' of my brother and sister, the 'wise' one...)
The boy came back. He was a teenager now. He didn't want to play with the tree. He wanted to buy things, and have fun. So the tree gave him all its fruit. And the tree was happy.
(wait...I'm not the tree...am I the boy? could someone be the tree? Teagan? Alena? Connor? Hudson? My parents and family?...)
The boy grew older.
(The picture is of now the tree having two notches, one of the Boy and the Tree, and the Boy and the Girl lying under the tree next to him. that was answered. But...who's the tree?)
But the boy stayed away for a long time...and the tree was sad. And then one day the boy came back and the tree shook with joy and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy."
"I am too busy to climb tree," said the boy. "I want a house to keep me warm," he said. "I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house. Can you give me a house?"
"I have no house," said the tree.
"The forest is my house, but you may cut off my branches and build a house.
Then you will be happy."
And so the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house.
(...The boy...He...comes to the tree only when he needs it. Is he selfish? Is he rude? Is it right that he is so busy? Why must he be so busy? Can't he give time to the Tree?
The Tree? That would give us anything, and everything for us?)
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time. And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak.
"Come, Boy," she whispered, "come and play."
"I am too old and sad to play," said the boy. "I want a boat that will take me far away from here. Can you give me a boat?"
"Cut down my trunk and make a boat," said the tree.
"Then you can sail away...and be happy."
And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away.
(But, But! The boy- He- He's now so old, and has made many mistakes, and yet now continues to come to this tree...by now, the tree is only a stump. Forgotten, left only with Me and the Tree, hearted out into its trunk.........
The Tree gave its entire self. It gave away its apples. She gave away her branches and leaves. HE. He gave his trunk to the Boy.)
And the tree was happy...but not really.
(No! The tree was always happy, wasn't he? Always happy to see the boy? He would do everything for the boy!
But then again...the boy only comes for what the Tree can offer...Only a long time ago, did he help the tree to be happy. And he comes infrequently, and after long times too...)
And after a long time the boy came back again.
"I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you-
My apples are gone."
"My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy.
"My branches are gone," said the tree. "You cannot swing on them-"
"I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy.
"My trunk is gone," said the tree. "you cannot climb-"
"I am too tired to climb," said the boy.
"I am sorry," sighed the tree. "I wish that I could give you something...but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry...."
"I don't need very much now," said the boy, "just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired."
"Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could,
"well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.
And the tree was happy.
The End.
:) Jesus Christ has sacrificed and is sacrificing himself for us. For every person's sins, he has felt the pain, and can and has and will bear it for us, if we just ask and listen and do, as he commands.
He will always forgive, and will always be there for us, in times of sadness, and need, and grief, and fear, and love, and of being tired.
Never forget our Lord, even as he will never forget you.
I say these things, in the name of Our Savior, Our Redeemer, Our Tree; Jesus Christ.
Amen.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Shizuko's Daughter
It being a week since my last post, is a good enough time to write again.
Right now, I want to tell you about Shizuko's Daughter.
I haven't finished yet, so I'm not entirely sure about most of this but...
It's a wonderful book- One of those sad books that every person must read every now and then.
It's about a girl whose mother committed suicide. Now as Yuki, her daughter, lives on with her father and new stepmother, It details how she lives, reacts, and feels of the her father, her mother, and all those around her. It's very eye-opening.
It's really helped me to understand how Aysha and Ty felt.
I realize I couldn't have possibly understood their situation. I can now sympathize, but I'm not entirely sorry. More...accepting...
So, for Valentine's, I went to a movie with Alena, Marae, their friend, and connor and hudson. My parents came too, but sat somewhere else. Before I summarize, I also want to say that Wednesday I went to Mattie's for her birthday party where we went Lazer Tagging.
Even though Teagan was at Lazertag, and Alena was at the movie, I didn't feel the need to be close to them...well, that's not true, but they were more friends to me, less ...I'm not entirely sure...
They were both great because it was only the group of friends (although Mattie and Britney, and Hudson and Marae were discreet).
And then on friday I evaded a sleepover with hudson and connor, but was dragged to Uncle Mark's on saturday cause it was stake conference on sunday.
I enjoyed it. It was just ps3 the whole time, and Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
And no matter how much I pushed it away, attempted to avert it, simply ignore it,
My heart still had at least a half-turn when mitchell said, "There's Teagan."
I resisted to turn immediately, but they(Stephanie) debated for at least a minute whether or not to sit next to or in front of me and mitch. I was able to concentrate on the talk by President Cutler, and answer the question of whether we were friends still, by my bishop.
Most importantly, I could happily and boldly shake Bishop Clark's hand.
And since david slept over, we played some carl's booty, and that was fun.
But today was homework, and Shizuko's Daughter, as well as Frogurt.
Now I'm prepared for school, and there's not much else to say.
Good night.
P.S. Oh wait, there is.
Because of Shizuko's, I was actually thinking about Aysha quite a bit. I watched 4 episodes of Gurren lagaan (although I have to watch it in Japanese, not English) just so I could be able to ask her about her stepmother.
With Gurren Lagaan, I hope I may have improved that friendship, at least.
Right now, I want to tell you about Shizuko's Daughter.
I haven't finished yet, so I'm not entirely sure about most of this but...
It's a wonderful book- One of those sad books that every person must read every now and then.
It's about a girl whose mother committed suicide. Now as Yuki, her daughter, lives on with her father and new stepmother, It details how she lives, reacts, and feels of the her father, her mother, and all those around her. It's very eye-opening.
It's really helped me to understand how Aysha and Ty felt.
I realize I couldn't have possibly understood their situation. I can now sympathize, but I'm not entirely sorry. More...accepting...
So, for Valentine's, I went to a movie with Alena, Marae, their friend, and connor and hudson. My parents came too, but sat somewhere else. Before I summarize, I also want to say that Wednesday I went to Mattie's for her birthday party where we went Lazer Tagging.
Even though Teagan was at Lazertag, and Alena was at the movie, I didn't feel the need to be close to them...well, that's not true, but they were more friends to me, less ...I'm not entirely sure...
They were both great because it was only the group of friends (although Mattie and Britney, and Hudson and Marae were discreet).
And then on friday I evaded a sleepover with hudson and connor, but was dragged to Uncle Mark's on saturday cause it was stake conference on sunday.
I enjoyed it. It was just ps3 the whole time, and Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
And no matter how much I pushed it away, attempted to avert it, simply ignore it,
My heart still had at least a half-turn when mitchell said, "There's Teagan."
I resisted to turn immediately, but they(Stephanie) debated for at least a minute whether or not to sit next to or in front of me and mitch. I was able to concentrate on the talk by President Cutler, and answer the question of whether we were friends still, by my bishop.
Most importantly, I could happily and boldly shake Bishop Clark's hand.
And since david slept over, we played some carl's booty, and that was fun.
But today was homework, and Shizuko's Daughter, as well as Frogurt.
Now I'm prepared for school, and there's not much else to say.
Good night.
P.S. Oh wait, there is.
Because of Shizuko's, I was actually thinking about Aysha quite a bit. I watched 4 episodes of Gurren lagaan (although I have to watch it in Japanese, not English) just so I could be able to ask her about her stepmother.
With Gurren Lagaan, I hope I may have improved that friendship, at least.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Realizing now that my blog is actually being read, I will attempt to continue to write as I feel, without pressure of a parent(s) over my shoulder, however in order the privacy of those written about by me, I will simply encode it in my own trickery. Don't think of it as me hiding it from you, but saving it for me.
(Think of Madam Defarge)
To make up for your now crest-fallen attribute, I will supply with juicy tidbits.
bitesize.
at church today, my calendar was completely filled. range monday, ward temple night tuesday, blueergh. however Wednesday is conflicted with baptisms and Mattie's Party. LazerQuest, for Those who don't know. luckily thursday will be a prep day, but the following is rather filled. saturday is empty, yet Sunday is Stake Conference, and the continuous following sunday is a Fireside.
Trust me, that was delicious.
I am conflicted on Tennis. Yes or No? It will be after school in the spring, yet I hope it does not go into summer (quite certain it will). The fact that Tyler has said it has fallen apart (him who sprained his back from frequent serves) because Wihongi no longer coaches, for some strange reason invigorates me to go. It means it will be easier to get into, and also that we probably won't win as much. That's mean and rude, but true. It means it would be good exercise for me, without taking out that much time from my schedule.
I can no longer cram things into my summer schedule (crap I forgot again!!!) because I may get that engineering internship. (paid) ((I still need to write a resume)) That and efy, ward campouts, and family camping trips (also being 16).
What do you do for Valentine's? I don't think I want one...So I don't know what to do, considering the incredibly friendly friends I have, I may receive a gift I wasn't expecting, and be unable to pay it back...but I also don't want to be that awkward giving person, who may have given without a reason, but seem to have given with a reason. And I'm not an Arts and Crafts person, I can't make a cheap yet effective gift- they require some money which I no longer have to give. Hmm.
Spiritual Time.
This last sleepover was great ^^
We went to Sam Fisihetau's house, all of the Teacher's Quorum (that means Connor too) came. We even picked up Alden halfway through his date with Aly. Along with a truly amazing testimony meeting, it followed the standards of traditional sleepovers, lots of little caesars and mcdonalds, videogames, very very latenight rowdyness and laughing, and even better a great breakfast to wake up to. For once, the Wii and Xbox me and Connor brought helped to bring us socially accepted to the group, not away from it.
The Lost Symbol, was also great.
It was surprisingly religious, mixed in with the Death, explosions, symbols, action, and hot scientist who has a crush on Langdon. It even mentions a quote from Joseph Smith, although does not mention him by name. I would suggest any inquisitive mind to read it, although Angels and Demons must come first, followed by the Da Vinci Code.
I must retire. Ya, retire, that's what it said in Preach My Gospel.
(I recently went scavenging around my room and found it- It happened to have a Missionary's daily schedule, which provided a great answer to my schedule problems.)
With minor editing including Missionary replaced by Student Daily schedule, it gives a trustworthy, yet powerful guide. Hopefully I'll use it.
This is Alex Clawson, signing off.
The Twilight Owl
(Think of Madam Defarge)
To make up for your now crest-fallen attribute, I will supply with juicy tidbits.
bitesize.
at church today, my calendar was completely filled. range monday, ward temple night tuesday, blueergh. however Wednesday is conflicted with baptisms and Mattie's Party. LazerQuest, for Those who don't know. luckily thursday will be a prep day, but the following is rather filled. saturday is empty, yet Sunday is Stake Conference, and the continuous following sunday is a Fireside.
Trust me, that was delicious.
I am conflicted on Tennis. Yes or No? It will be after school in the spring, yet I hope it does not go into summer (quite certain it will). The fact that Tyler has said it has fallen apart (him who sprained his back from frequent serves) because Wihongi no longer coaches, for some strange reason invigorates me to go. It means it will be easier to get into, and also that we probably won't win as much. That's mean and rude, but true. It means it would be good exercise for me, without taking out that much time from my schedule.
I can no longer cram things into my summer schedule (crap I forgot again!!!) because I may get that engineering internship. (paid) ((I still need to write a resume)) That and efy, ward campouts, and family camping trips (also being 16).
What do you do for Valentine's? I don't think I want one...So I don't know what to do, considering the incredibly friendly friends I have, I may receive a gift I wasn't expecting, and be unable to pay it back...but I also don't want to be that awkward giving person, who may have given without a reason, but seem to have given with a reason. And I'm not an Arts and Crafts person, I can't make a cheap yet effective gift- they require some money which I no longer have to give. Hmm.
Spiritual Time.
This last sleepover was great ^^
We went to Sam Fisihetau's house, all of the Teacher's Quorum (that means Connor too) came. We even picked up Alden halfway through his date with Aly. Along with a truly amazing testimony meeting, it followed the standards of traditional sleepovers, lots of little caesars and mcdonalds, videogames, very very latenight rowdyness and laughing, and even better a great breakfast to wake up to. For once, the Wii and Xbox me and Connor brought helped to bring us socially accepted to the group, not away from it.
The Lost Symbol, was also great.
It was surprisingly religious, mixed in with the Death, explosions, symbols, action, and hot scientist who has a crush on Langdon. It even mentions a quote from Joseph Smith, although does not mention him by name. I would suggest any inquisitive mind to read it, although Angels and Demons must come first, followed by the Da Vinci Code.
I must retire. Ya, retire, that's what it said in Preach My Gospel.
(I recently went scavenging around my room and found it- It happened to have a Missionary's daily schedule, which provided a great answer to my schedule problems.)
With minor editing including Missionary replaced by Student Daily schedule, it gives a trustworthy, yet powerful guide. Hopefully I'll use it.
This is Alex Clawson, signing off.
The Twilight Owl
Thursday, February 4, 2010
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmm.................
(Braveheart)
Since I have now efficently and slowly forced all of you to lose interest in reading this blog, I can write about anything I want now :D Ooo, don't you wish you were still actively reading??!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Like I wrote in my journal, I'd rather write my feelings, rather than the facts of the events surrounding myself recently...Beh, I'm lazy, I'll just copy what I wrote in my journal:
"Instead of the facts about-
Alena, Valentine Party, Teagan, Haylee, Math contest, Eng intern, scholarship, UBSCT, Dad's car, Dad got laid off (added now- Quorum Sleepover, The Kitchen)-
I'll give you my feelings and thoughts.
I don't know if I am turning into Rusty- I want to like someone just to like someone, or whether I actually like her. I'd be daring to say we've hugged, or at least, frequently. I enjoy talking to her, my always seems better talking to her...But...Should I? COuld I? I mean, I might be turning 16 but so what? We've already been on dates before (Woops) -
Now, I"m not saying I ddin't enjoy that time (I did, wholeheartedly). We never kissed before, why after I"m 16? Even holding hands would be a great leap of misguided faith.
(Here's a hint- that girl(s) described there was NOT Haylee)
Valentine ^^ .....*glances over* I can no longer describe Teagan and Alena at the same time. Memories of Valentines are filled only for Teagan...is there room for Alena? Or will Teagan's files get erased? These are questions I simply can't answer yet. I don't know.
I feel good- That uncontrolled energy in Jr. High is finally being focused on my studies. Hopefully I'll be successful.
Because of this, my feelings for dad can only be one of light sympathy...He bought a mustang GT, blue with white stripes, manual, and two days later got laid off. He's not worried about the job, (*EDIT* May not need to) but he'll have to sell the mustant...Aww, too bad *Goes back to work*
The Twilight Owl"
I blame the randomness on the fact that my hand can't keep up with my head in all of its thoughts- Not even my fingers typing can keep up, but that's understandable since a thought is like a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a second.
I've been doggysitting a lot, and IIIIII like it! As long as I feed the dogs (and occaisionly myself and other people) then lately everyone else has left- or is reaaaaaaaaaaly quiet. Another thing is that I love to do the dishes. *SHHHHH!* You didn't hear that ;) If I say that I like to do them, I would never get out of it.
But when I am appointed to the dishes, I will whine and complain till everyone has left, turn on soft/classical/good music, and do da dishes.
It's not a time for thinking, and I like that. It's like meditation. Only concentrating on cleaning, and it opens up your brain cells like opening up the pores in your skin. It's really nice.
I'm working on my hygiene habits. Haven't had a soda for a while, brushed my teeth each night and day since visiting the dentist, actually flossed once, and in general am trying to fix my mornings and nights (and therefore, the rest of my day) I refuse to wear the retainer, but I will brush a lot, maybe even whiten. I've been putting on lotion too- I've never kept it up because I always see that my skin only turns redder after putting it on, but whenever I see a lotion ad, it always shows the before and after at like 2 or 3 weeks. I suppose I will try it out, see what happens.
I'm editing Teagan's current section of Tale of Two.
Alright, here's the lowdown:
The reason that I did not want to make an edited version of this story is simple:
I believed that when we wrote that, we wrote with what we were feeling right at that moment, it was a reflection of our hearts on paper. I didn't want to change it as much as I wanted to change Teagan's personality.
So obviously, I was against editing it more into a book type status. However, it delights Teagan (I think), and will in the end provide a nice book. I'll help, but she has to do the revisions ^^ See what's it like to copy down 200 pages of a book O_o Just kidding! ^^.............oh wait, she's not reading this...whatever.
So, now that I've committed to making it publishable, I WILL make it acceptable.
That was quite a bit, and I am 4 minutes away from bed. Well, Good Night!
The Twilight Owl
Since I have now efficently and slowly forced all of you to lose interest in reading this blog, I can write about anything I want now :D Ooo, don't you wish you were still actively reading??!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Like I wrote in my journal, I'd rather write my feelings, rather than the facts of the events surrounding myself recently...Beh, I'm lazy, I'll just copy what I wrote in my journal:
"Instead of the facts about-
Alena, Valentine Party, Teagan, Haylee, Math contest, Eng intern, scholarship, UBSCT, Dad's car, Dad got laid off (added now- Quorum Sleepover, The Kitchen)-
I'll give you my feelings and thoughts.
I don't know if I am turning into Rusty- I want to like someone just to like someone, or whether I actually like her. I'd be daring to say we've hugged, or at least, frequently. I enjoy talking to her, my always seems better talking to her...But...Should I? COuld I? I mean, I might be turning 16 but so what? We've already been on dates before (Woops) -
Now, I"m not saying I ddin't enjoy that time (I did, wholeheartedly). We never kissed before, why after I"m 16? Even holding hands would be a great leap of misguided faith.
(Here's a hint- that girl(s) described there was NOT Haylee)
Valentine ^^ .....*glances over* I can no longer describe Teagan and Alena at the same time. Memories of Valentines are filled only for Teagan...is there room for Alena? Or will Teagan's files get erased? These are questions I simply can't answer yet. I don't know.
I feel good- That uncontrolled energy in Jr. High is finally being focused on my studies. Hopefully I'll be successful.
Because of this, my feelings for dad can only be one of light sympathy...He bought a mustang GT, blue with white stripes, manual, and two days later got laid off. He's not worried about the job, (*EDIT* May not need to) but he'll have to sell the mustant...Aww, too bad *Goes back to work*
The Twilight Owl"
I blame the randomness on the fact that my hand can't keep up with my head in all of its thoughts- Not even my fingers typing can keep up, but that's understandable since a thought is like a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a second.
I've been doggysitting a lot, and IIIIII like it! As long as I feed the dogs (and occaisionly myself and other people) then lately everyone else has left- or is reaaaaaaaaaaly quiet. Another thing is that I love to do the dishes. *SHHHHH!* You didn't hear that ;) If I say that I like to do them, I would never get out of it.
But when I am appointed to the dishes, I will whine and complain till everyone has left, turn on soft/classical/good music, and do da dishes.
It's not a time for thinking, and I like that. It's like meditation. Only concentrating on cleaning, and it opens up your brain cells like opening up the pores in your skin. It's really nice.
I'm working on my hygiene habits. Haven't had a soda for a while, brushed my teeth each night and day since visiting the dentist, actually flossed once, and in general am trying to fix my mornings and nights (and therefore, the rest of my day) I refuse to wear the retainer, but I will brush a lot, maybe even whiten. I've been putting on lotion too- I've never kept it up because I always see that my skin only turns redder after putting it on, but whenever I see a lotion ad, it always shows the before and after at like 2 or 3 weeks. I suppose I will try it out, see what happens.
I'm editing Teagan's current section of Tale of Two.
Alright, here's the lowdown:
The reason that I did not want to make an edited version of this story is simple:
I believed that when we wrote that, we wrote with what we were feeling right at that moment, it was a reflection of our hearts on paper. I didn't want to change it as much as I wanted to change Teagan's personality.
So obviously, I was against editing it more into a book type status. However, it delights Teagan (I think), and will in the end provide a nice book. I'll help, but she has to do the revisions ^^ See what's it like to copy down 200 pages of a book O_o Just kidding! ^^.............oh wait, she's not reading this...whatever.
So, now that I've committed to making it publishable, I WILL make it acceptable.
That was quite a bit, and I am 4 minutes away from bed. Well, Good Night!
The Twilight Owl
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