It's hard to find balance...
I've been brainstorming for the last few hours trying to get some ideas organized of what my New Year's Resolution should be...
Since I said that this blog will now be less in depth, I won't discount into all of that information (it's rather long and boring right now, I haven't simplified it yet, perhaps the hardest part of all...), however, I wish to...complain...about those difficulties.
One thing that I was thinking about (more so while I was driving around, running errands) was how I could use what I've learned by playing video games for real life application.
For example: Take any RPG, and you will probably have your character wearing armor and weapons. A good comparison is putting on the armor of god (helm of salvation, sword of faith, etc.)
Another example: Most RPG games have a sort of Talent or Perk system. You are given a limited amount of points (or your actions are determinate of what you can get, or you just choose three perks) in which you are allowed to select a few out of many abilities. These perks are useful to that specific tier of ability, so you can't just dole out every point to any perk (though you could, I guess...) or else you will have an unbalanced character. The similarity to real life is that real Talents work much in the same way (Think Playing Piano, Playing Video Games, Painting, Cooking, etc.). You must put time and effort into improving your talents or else they are forgotten, or become of no use to you. Because of that, you can't be interested in all things, you need to have a certain depth to your breadth.
Final example: Questing. Every single RPG, and, in some aspects, every single game, have some variant of questing - the idea that you have a job to do somehow, somewhere, for someone, for whatever reason. Working a job in real life, gaining an education, raising a family are all real life quests that promise some wonderful rewards...they're just not necessarily all detailed in a nice descriptive quest log. You have to go and find them.
Just thinking out loud.
My thoughts were better before this though, I should have been writing sooner...
Well, good night.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
A New Purpose
So it's been a while since I've written, and I'll just account for the holiday blues, or something else like that. I think I'm finally feeling in a better mood because there was snow(ish) on the ground this morning :)
Discounting the blog post about the fight I had with my father, no one has ever really had an issue with what I've posted on here...or even a comment...but, regardless, I've decided that this blog will no longer be the host to such delicacies as my inner thoughts and feelings, those most apt and visible and vulnerable during The Twilight.
Perhaps I may still write during The Twilight, but this blog itself will focus on more social occurences (Psh, as if I have any xD) than my deeper thoughts and feelings. They may peek out between the cracks during my discourses, but the intention, really, is to be a little less personal on the internet.
But where will all of my deep, dark secrets go if not on here? Well, my Personal Journal of course! Not the Revelatory Journal, which discounts my personal Revelations, readings, etc., or any seminary, class, or experience journal, but the traditional Personal Journal. The one with all of the scripture verses in it.
...But since I feel that I've written enough, I'll stop here. Tomorrow, after the concert especially, I'll document my many social failures and few social triumphs.
Discounting the blog post about the fight I had with my father, no one has ever really had an issue with what I've posted on here...or even a comment...but, regardless, I've decided that this blog will no longer be the host to such delicacies as my inner thoughts and feelings, those most apt and visible and vulnerable during The Twilight.
Perhaps I may still write during The Twilight, but this blog itself will focus on more social occurences (Psh, as if I have any xD) than my deeper thoughts and feelings. They may peek out between the cracks during my discourses, but the intention, really, is to be a little less personal on the internet.
But where will all of my deep, dark secrets go if not on here? Well, my Personal Journal of course! Not the Revelatory Journal, which discounts my personal Revelations, readings, etc., or any seminary, class, or experience journal, but the traditional Personal Journal. The one with all of the scripture verses in it.
...But since I feel that I've written enough, I'll stop here. Tomorrow, after the concert especially, I'll document my many social failures and few social triumphs.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Stickittodamanneosis
Yes.
I believe that's what I have contracted.
However, if you understand its symptons, then you will realize that I should be slacking off on some important thing that I should be doing right now...
*looks around room*
Oh yeah.
Well, for a quick recap of my week - Nyeh, screw that, I'll just focus on the important stuff...You would enjoy that, wouldn't you?
Well, all that you DO have to know about last week was that I worked on my creeper costume for about 3 hours each night before my parties, and I believe that the work payed off...enough.
But, regardless: I'm really growing good habits in terms of friends, and socially. My AP Calculus BC class is most notable, pushing me to learn and work hard yet have fun doing it, with the Musical coming in a close second.
Due to that, the Drama Club Party was most enjoyable. Although I normally didn't associate with most of the people there, I feel that I chatted and was a positive reinforcement to Teagan's success. I showed off my creeper costume for the first time, and 20% either knew what it was, or had at least heard of minecraft... We played mafia and cakewalk, and then watched Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (Extremely enjoyable because I learned where all of the phrases from Star Wars Acappela came from, and because some drama kids hadn't seen Star Wars before, but not because I had to fight The Urge whilst sitting next to Teagan).
The next day was my party, Hallow's End, which I had planned for months in advance.
:/ (hold that face for 32 seconds)
:) (hold that face for a moment)
:/ (hold that face the remaining 9.9 seconds)
(decoded, that says that it was okay, really fun for a bit, and then just ok for the rest of it...and for no specific reason, you sneaky handholding is sneaky believers).
The first to show up was Andrew, dressed as ketchup disguised as mustard with a lightsaber and a cape, early because he said that he was bored. He left after announcing himself as leaving multiple times, probably because we weren't playing videogames... It made me depressed that he thought I was so shallow but...oh well...
Alena and Marae came next, Alena as a very convincing (1104 82070) pirate, Marae in a UoU shirt. When Rees came next, I saw the grimace in everyone's eyes and I felt so bad...
He's a good kid, he's just a little quirky, in a little more obvious ways than everyone else. He has strong opinions, which can be respectable or annoying, depending upon your own attitude. He's my friend, but definitely not everyone elses'. I think at my party he was reminded of what it was like in Jr. High, and that must have a figurative hell for him to go through (pardon my language).
He was dressed as...well, I forgot the characters name, but he was from Deus Ex, I think, I'm probably wrong......it may have been someone from the Matrix, which I also haven't seen or played...
Later on, Connor, followed closely by Alyssa stopped by, who was dressed as V for Vendetta, and a Devil, respectively. They left soon afterward, because of, and I quote, "Alena's and Marae's offensive language", none of which I heard...chose to hear..........
Even Ammon and Alyssa stopped by for a few, being bedazzled by my home, although they left from one party to another xD
Oh yeah, Nick came to! He's a good, simple kid :) I need to get to know him better - He was actually capable of polite, nice conversation :D
And, of course, Kristan came :) (1C5101 A0160 82070, 28070 B5096070110 A0160 25180709680C) She wore a light blue, sparkling burkha. And even though she had probably just grabbed it from their closet of costumes (she had told me previously that that was what she would probably do), She really wore it...well, gorgeously *squee face*
That should be enough descriptions of everyone, I'll add a paragraph of what we did, and then I'll spend some time on what actually happened.
We had the dry ice and rootbeer, which looked awesome first and tasted awesome later. Pizza was pizza, cheap yet delicious and fulfilling. They started watching of disapproving youtube videos, and I did my best to detour them, taking them downstairs to hang out, but that just made them want to watch a movie (I was trying to hold back for as long as possible, due to how long I expected the party to run) and so I popped in Ghostbusters. But my brother misinterpreted what I said when I wanted him to be in charge of the fire. I said that I wanted him to get it going later on, and to let me help him but he got it ready during the movie (and he burnt the wrong type of log)...This separated everyone, between the movie and the fire, which played while I stayed out by the fire as I spoke with Alena, Marae, and Kristan, when Ammon and Alyssa showed up. Stuff happened, and people left, and we watched Anger Management with the leftovers and...well.....the rest goes in the next section...
So, if you didn't know this Rees and Alena clash. Well, Rees clashes with a lot of people, but Alena the most. They have conflicting interests, and he likes to argue and debate, while she likes to keep it to herself...bad combo. And combine that with the fact that Rees, Connor, Andrew, and Mitch are all pulling me towards talking with them about nerdy stuff, which is exactly NOT what I want to do at a non-videogame party:
The reason for that is that everyone can talk about general things (What those are are hard to define, due to the fact that a true general thing is rare), while only Geeks and Dorks can talk about videogames and...that kinda stuff. That leaves Normies out of the picture, and if I couldn't be there to narrate for the normies, they pull away from the party.
The reason that I took a moment for the normies vs. geeks and dorks thing is that Rees was doing that to me, but he was being a total dork (which is a terrible insult) even though he has capacity for geekiness.
I was trying to hang out with Alena for quite a bit of the party, however, he would follow me wherever I went, and Alena would go wherever Rees wasn't...You can see the dilemma here...
And later on, I was sitting with Kristan on the couch, when Rees asked me to...well, do something, but it required me leaving the couch...or maybe I left of my own free will, I forgot, but, regardless, after I left, Rees took my spot.
Now, normally, thats ok. I would just go somewhere else. But I had been holding hands with Kristan (Honestly, the main reason I was doing that was because she was cold, but I never said that it was the only reason...), and he wouldn't move when I told him to move. He wouldn't move when I told him to shove it. I would have defended her more ferociously, but I didn't want to do so at risk of ruining reputations and friendships.
That demoted Rees to douche for a moment there. He got back up to Dork, because Kristan came back over and sat by me, and we later claimed our spot back but...
...I had hoped to avoid drama in high school...I guess it follows you like a shadow wherever you go...I'm so sorry to be caught gossiping, but, it had to be said, or it would cause me to implode.
I could take some time to detail what the experience was at Kristan's Saturday night (and morning), and later at Grandma's the next day, but both were good, wholesome, and enjoyable.
[What I feel most notable is that I felt that the Holy Ghost had stayed up late with me, though all others would condescend my returning home at 1:30 am. I did the right things while there, and it was fun, so...*shrug*]
I got to get to sleep now. I think I've been cured of stickittodamanneosis though :)
Oh yeah, I gotta go take Lela to see The Big Year.....
I believe that's what I have contracted.
However, if you understand its symptons, then you will realize that I should be slacking off on some important thing that I should be doing right now...
*looks around room*
Oh yeah.
Well, for a quick recap of my week - Nyeh, screw that, I'll just focus on the important stuff...You would enjoy that, wouldn't you?
Well, all that you DO have to know about last week was that I worked on my creeper costume for about 3 hours each night before my parties, and I believe that the work payed off...enough.
But, regardless: I'm really growing good habits in terms of friends, and socially. My AP Calculus BC class is most notable, pushing me to learn and work hard yet have fun doing it, with the Musical coming in a close second.
Due to that, the Drama Club Party was most enjoyable. Although I normally didn't associate with most of the people there, I feel that I chatted and was a positive reinforcement to Teagan's success. I showed off my creeper costume for the first time, and 20% either knew what it was, or had at least heard of minecraft... We played mafia and cakewalk, and then watched Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (Extremely enjoyable because I learned where all of the phrases from Star Wars Acappela came from, and because some drama kids hadn't seen Star Wars before, but not because I had to fight The Urge whilst sitting next to Teagan).
The next day was my party, Hallow's End, which I had planned for months in advance.
:/ (hold that face for 32 seconds)
:) (hold that face for a moment)
:/ (hold that face the remaining 9.9 seconds)
(decoded, that says that it was okay, really fun for a bit, and then just ok for the rest of it...and for no specific reason, you sneaky handholding is sneaky believers).
The first to show up was Andrew, dressed as ketchup disguised as mustard with a lightsaber and a cape, early because he said that he was bored. He left after announcing himself as leaving multiple times, probably because we weren't playing videogames... It made me depressed that he thought I was so shallow but...oh well...
Alena and Marae came next, Alena as a very convincing (1104 82070) pirate, Marae in a UoU shirt. When Rees came next, I saw the grimace in everyone's eyes and I felt so bad...
He's a good kid, he's just a little quirky, in a little more obvious ways than everyone else. He has strong opinions, which can be respectable or annoying, depending upon your own attitude. He's my friend, but definitely not everyone elses'. I think at my party he was reminded of what it was like in Jr. High, and that must have a figurative hell for him to go through (pardon my language).
He was dressed as...well, I forgot the characters name, but he was from Deus Ex, I think, I'm probably wrong......it may have been someone from the Matrix, which I also haven't seen or played...
Later on, Connor, followed closely by Alyssa stopped by, who was dressed as V for Vendetta, and a Devil, respectively. They left soon afterward, because of, and I quote, "Alena's and Marae's offensive language", none of which I heard...chose to hear..........
Even Ammon and Alyssa stopped by for a few, being bedazzled by my home, although they left from one party to another xD
Oh yeah, Nick came to! He's a good, simple kid :) I need to get to know him better - He was actually capable of polite, nice conversation :D
And, of course, Kristan came :) (1C5101 A0160 82070, 28070 B5096070110 A0160 25180709680C) She wore a light blue, sparkling burkha. And even though she had probably just grabbed it from their closet of costumes (she had told me previously that that was what she would probably do), She really wore it...well, gorgeously *squee face*
That should be enough descriptions of everyone, I'll add a paragraph of what we did, and then I'll spend some time on what actually happened.
We had the dry ice and rootbeer, which looked awesome first and tasted awesome later. Pizza was pizza, cheap yet delicious and fulfilling. They started watching of disapproving youtube videos, and I did my best to detour them, taking them downstairs to hang out, but that just made them want to watch a movie (I was trying to hold back for as long as possible, due to how long I expected the party to run) and so I popped in Ghostbusters. But my brother misinterpreted what I said when I wanted him to be in charge of the fire. I said that I wanted him to get it going later on, and to let me help him but he got it ready during the movie (and he burnt the wrong type of log)...This separated everyone, between the movie and the fire, which played while I stayed out by the fire as I spoke with Alena, Marae, and Kristan, when Ammon and Alyssa showed up. Stuff happened, and people left, and we watched Anger Management with the leftovers and...well.....the rest goes in the next section...
So, if you didn't know this Rees and Alena clash. Well, Rees clashes with a lot of people, but Alena the most. They have conflicting interests, and he likes to argue and debate, while she likes to keep it to herself...bad combo. And combine that with the fact that Rees, Connor, Andrew, and Mitch are all pulling me towards talking with them about nerdy stuff, which is exactly NOT what I want to do at a non-videogame party:
The reason for that is that everyone can talk about general things (What those are are hard to define, due to the fact that a true general thing is rare), while only Geeks and Dorks can talk about videogames and...that kinda stuff. That leaves Normies out of the picture, and if I couldn't be there to narrate for the normies, they pull away from the party.
The reason that I took a moment for the normies vs. geeks and dorks thing is that Rees was doing that to me, but he was being a total dork (which is a terrible insult) even though he has capacity for geekiness.
I was trying to hang out with Alena for quite a bit of the party, however, he would follow me wherever I went, and Alena would go wherever Rees wasn't...You can see the dilemma here...
And later on, I was sitting with Kristan on the couch, when Rees asked me to...well, do something, but it required me leaving the couch...or maybe I left of my own free will, I forgot, but, regardless, after I left, Rees took my spot.
Now, normally, thats ok. I would just go somewhere else. But I had been holding hands with Kristan (Honestly, the main reason I was doing that was because she was cold, but I never said that it was the only reason...), and he wouldn't move when I told him to move. He wouldn't move when I told him to shove it. I would have defended her more ferociously, but I didn't want to do so at risk of ruining reputations and friendships.
That demoted Rees to douche for a moment there. He got back up to Dork, because Kristan came back over and sat by me, and we later claimed our spot back but...
...I had hoped to avoid drama in high school...I guess it follows you like a shadow wherever you go...I'm so sorry to be caught gossiping, but, it had to be said, or it would cause me to implode.
I could take some time to detail what the experience was at Kristan's Saturday night (and morning), and later at Grandma's the next day, but both were good, wholesome, and enjoyable.
[What I feel most notable is that I felt that the Holy Ghost had stayed up late with me, though all others would condescend my returning home at 1:30 am. I did the right things while there, and it was fun, so...*shrug*]
I got to get to sleep now. I think I've been cured of stickittodamanneosis though :)
Oh yeah, I gotta go take Lela to see The Big Year.....
Sunday, October 16, 2011
What I learned from Steve Jobs and Victor Frankenstein
So, Steve Jobs has died recently, leaving behind an epic tale of the revolution of computers, to iPods, and iPhones, and iPads (one of which, I wish I had).
He contradicts the lesson that I learned from Victor Frankenstein in Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley. I'll put the quotes back to back:
"Seek happiness in tranquility, and avoid ambition, even if it be only the apparently innocent one of distinguishing yourself in science and discoveries. Yet why do I say this? I myself have been blasted in these hopes, yet another may succeed." - Mary Shelley, Frankenstein, pg 192
"You've got to find what you love...Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."
- Steve Jobs
So, Frankenstein is reminding me about how the only times that he was ever happy in the novel was when he was surrounded by nature, or family. He was horrified by his work, however grand it may have been.
But at the same time, Jobs is telling me to get out there, and do what hasn't been done before...
You know what, I think I just sorted it out in my head because I wrote it down on a page :) Who woulda thunk it?
So, Frankenstein tells me to SEEK HAPPINESS in tranquility, and avoid the DESTRUCTIVE ambition, one in a non-joyful pursuit.
Jobs says to find what you LOVE, and be AMBITIOUS towards it...
So, to combine the two,
"Seek Happiness in Ambition"
...There is more that I probably learned from them, but that has to be the most definitive.
Oh! I just realized that I haven't yet mentioned what this whole Ambition is about - Well, it has to do with Anti-Gravity (What this blog was originally named for), and/or Wind Gliding, Solar Surfing, and every other form of futuristic/impossible flight...I will achieve them.
That, and I will strive for that which will make me happiest - The blessings that come from Celestial Glory, and all of the ambitious steps it takes to get there.
P.S. D5 1104 B5096070110 A0201070 A02050B 208070. 6085 A09CC A011070 7020 70501905C 7085 A02050C4, 9 A0208C4 820C4 8550 213B, A0110709107 7020 60701C0 910 807018 1104 A02050B 62050 170B.
He contradicts the lesson that I learned from Victor Frankenstein in Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley. I'll put the quotes back to back:
"Seek happiness in tranquility, and avoid ambition, even if it be only the apparently innocent one of distinguishing yourself in science and discoveries. Yet why do I say this? I myself have been blasted in these hopes, yet another may succeed." - Mary Shelley, Frankenstein, pg 192
"You've got to find what you love...Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."
- Steve Jobs
So, Frankenstein is reminding me about how the only times that he was ever happy in the novel was when he was surrounded by nature, or family. He was horrified by his work, however grand it may have been.
But at the same time, Jobs is telling me to get out there, and do what hasn't been done before...
You know what, I think I just sorted it out in my head because I wrote it down on a page :) Who woulda thunk it?
So, Frankenstein tells me to SEEK HAPPINESS in tranquility, and avoid the DESTRUCTIVE ambition, one in a non-joyful pursuit.
Jobs says to find what you LOVE, and be AMBITIOUS towards it...
So, to combine the two,
"Seek Happiness in Ambition"
...There is more that I probably learned from them, but that has to be the most definitive.
Oh! I just realized that I haven't yet mentioned what this whole Ambition is about - Well, it has to do with Anti-Gravity (What this blog was originally named for), and/or Wind Gliding, Solar Surfing, and every other form of futuristic/impossible flight...I will achieve them.
That, and I will strive for that which will make me happiest - The blessings that come from Celestial Glory, and all of the ambitious steps it takes to get there.
P.S. D5 1104 B5096070110 A0201070 A02050B 208070. 6085 A09CC A011070 7020 70501905C 7085 A02050C4, 9 A0208C4 820C4 8550 213B, A0110709107 7020 60701C0 910 807018 1104 A02050B 62050 170B.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Rebellion
Facial Hair, check.
Deeper Voice, check.
Greater Testosterone levels, check.
Increased muscle size with little exercise, check.
Rebellion against authority......
For a while, that wasn't a check...it is now.
I won't say that I don't know what it is, because I do, I just refuse to admit it. Despite the fact that I know that what they say and do is true and right (most of the time), I can't help but be cynnical and critical towards them.
They try to do me right, and rather than me thanking them for the effort, I point out what they did wrong...
An older me wouldn't have done that.
"Seek happiness in tranquility, and avoid ambition..." Frankenstein, Mary Shelley, pg. 192.
So, you read this, and think, "Well Duh! Obviously you're taking this quote too seriously, and are throwing away everything you've worked for!"
NO I'M NOT!!!
...You don't understand - These are Victor Frankenstein's final words to Robert Walton: What he meant with this statement was that he regretted the power that he had found - He regretted having created the monster, both the physical creature, and the monster inside of himself.
He allowed himself to be blinded by ambition, so much so that he completely ignored the "Should I?" question of creation, only concerned with the "Can I?" that when the epitome of his work came to an end, he looked upon it with disgust, and horror, and fled.
The only times that Frankenstein was ever happy in the novel was when he was surrounded by Nature, or by family - They provided a sweet release from the world and all of its horrors - In their company, was the only time he smiled.
...I'm not happy.
I can say that truthfully; I'm just, not happy.
I want to be, of course. I try to find interest in my studies and it works for a time, but, it's always work. It has never been, and I fear it will never be, play. Deep in my heart, I really don't care about my grades. I don't care about my ACT score. What's hidden deep, so deep that not even I can see it sometimes, is that I just want to be happy, and whatever ignorance comes with that.
There Is a time when I'm happy - Playing Videogames. PLAYING. Sometimes, what I do in those videogames would feel like work, in fact, to even another gamer, it would be work, but, regardless, I'm happy doing it: Isn't that something worth striving for?
Ok, Rationality for a second, I should really find another source of happiness, from something more than a temporary release from the world, often involving violence, or virtual reality.
...but, for the moment, I don't yet have that.
I can only hope that by the time a career as an Aerospace Engineer rolls around, that I can find some happiness in it, or as something else.
And now I'm sad...Cause even if someone is reading, even if someone is listening, no one is hearing. No one gets what I'm going through, no one can give solace to me that I wouldn't push away immediately, indirectly or directly.
No one.
No one...
...or, is there someone...
...
Deeper Voice, check.
Greater Testosterone levels, check.
Increased muscle size with little exercise, check.
Rebellion against authority......
For a while, that wasn't a check...it is now.
I won't say that I don't know what it is, because I do, I just refuse to admit it. Despite the fact that I know that what they say and do is true and right (most of the time), I can't help but be cynnical and critical towards them.
They try to do me right, and rather than me thanking them for the effort, I point out what they did wrong...
An older me wouldn't have done that.
"Seek happiness in tranquility, and avoid ambition..." Frankenstein, Mary Shelley, pg. 192.
So, you read this, and think, "Well Duh! Obviously you're taking this quote too seriously, and are throwing away everything you've worked for!"
NO I'M NOT!!!
...You don't understand - These are Victor Frankenstein's final words to Robert Walton: What he meant with this statement was that he regretted the power that he had found - He regretted having created the monster, both the physical creature, and the monster inside of himself.
He allowed himself to be blinded by ambition, so much so that he completely ignored the "Should I?" question of creation, only concerned with the "Can I?" that when the epitome of his work came to an end, he looked upon it with disgust, and horror, and fled.
The only times that Frankenstein was ever happy in the novel was when he was surrounded by Nature, or by family - They provided a sweet release from the world and all of its horrors - In their company, was the only time he smiled.
...I'm not happy.
I can say that truthfully; I'm just, not happy.
I want to be, of course. I try to find interest in my studies and it works for a time, but, it's always work. It has never been, and I fear it will never be, play. Deep in my heart, I really don't care about my grades. I don't care about my ACT score. What's hidden deep, so deep that not even I can see it sometimes, is that I just want to be happy, and whatever ignorance comes with that.
There Is a time when I'm happy - Playing Videogames. PLAYING. Sometimes, what I do in those videogames would feel like work, in fact, to even another gamer, it would be work, but, regardless, I'm happy doing it: Isn't that something worth striving for?
Ok, Rationality for a second, I should really find another source of happiness, from something more than a temporary release from the world, often involving violence, or virtual reality.
...but, for the moment, I don't yet have that.
I can only hope that by the time a career as an Aerospace Engineer rolls around, that I can find some happiness in it, or as something else.
And now I'm sad...Cause even if someone is reading, even if someone is listening, no one is hearing. No one gets what I'm going through, no one can give solace to me that I wouldn't push away immediately, indirectly or directly.
No one.
No one...
...or, is there someone...
...
Friday, September 30, 2011
Moral Issues
Yes, yes, I know I shouldn't be writing right about now, but frankly my dear, I don't give a darn.
So, today I went golfing and then to the USU/BYU football game with my dad and my brother. It was way fun! I was glad to have a chance to hang out with those guys.
I still have some homework I need to do, but general conference is coming up tomorrow, and the day afterwards...
...So, now for the reason that I'm actually writing tonight...
I'm struggling.
With a lot of things...
School, obviously, would be the easiest one to point to for blame, but to be honest, I could handle school easily with a bit more effort and time put into it. And all the other things surrounding school (Musical, Sterling Scholar (which I'm not doing), NHS, and taking the ACT), aren't really that time-consuming. EVEN with the few social outings that I more frequently attend these days, I COULD still make it with inches to spare.
But...
I'm going back into that hole.
You know the one.
It's not senioritis, because that would require the feelings to be new (of lack of caring, laziness, boredom, etc.).
No, this is the same thing I do, over and over again, no matter how hard I try to reform, and to stop.
Lately, I have begun to "separate" myself between everything: When I'm at church, I pay attention, and take notes on what people say. When I'm at school, I pay attention to the teachers, learn, and work hard. But when I get home, all that I want to do (and end up doing), is laze about, playing video games and watching television. And then, having stayed up watching or playing, it becomes extremely difficult to fall asleep (Hence, my current state).
I attempt to justify it, saying, "Oh, I just need to relax for a little bit, and then I'll do my homework." But 4 hours later, when I come out of the haze, I look around my clothes are still lying about my room, my homework is still in my backpack, and worst of all, I don't want to do any of it. It looks detestable.
I can't continue like this. This road is leading slowly to nowhere, because I'm attempting to branch out in opposite directions at the same speed.
The thing is, I don't REALLY know what to do...Okay, correction, I do know what to do, but putting it into action and MAINTAINING it is very difficult.
All I can say is, that will be my focus tomorrow and the day after during general conference.
After all, general conference is personal revelation, if only one would listen.
So, today I went golfing and then to the USU/BYU football game with my dad and my brother. It was way fun! I was glad to have a chance to hang out with those guys.
I still have some homework I need to do, but general conference is coming up tomorrow, and the day afterwards...
...So, now for the reason that I'm actually writing tonight...
I'm struggling.
With a lot of things...
School, obviously, would be the easiest one to point to for blame, but to be honest, I could handle school easily with a bit more effort and time put into it. And all the other things surrounding school (Musical, Sterling Scholar (which I'm not doing), NHS, and taking the ACT), aren't really that time-consuming. EVEN with the few social outings that I more frequently attend these days, I COULD still make it with inches to spare.
But...
I'm going back into that hole.
You know the one.
It's not senioritis, because that would require the feelings to be new (of lack of caring, laziness, boredom, etc.).
No, this is the same thing I do, over and over again, no matter how hard I try to reform, and to stop.
Lately, I have begun to "separate" myself between everything: When I'm at church, I pay attention, and take notes on what people say. When I'm at school, I pay attention to the teachers, learn, and work hard. But when I get home, all that I want to do (and end up doing), is laze about, playing video games and watching television. And then, having stayed up watching or playing, it becomes extremely difficult to fall asleep (Hence, my current state).
I attempt to justify it, saying, "Oh, I just need to relax for a little bit, and then I'll do my homework." But 4 hours later, when I come out of the haze, I look around my clothes are still lying about my room, my homework is still in my backpack, and worst of all, I don't want to do any of it. It looks detestable.
I can't continue like this. This road is leading slowly to nowhere, because I'm attempting to branch out in opposite directions at the same speed.
The thing is, I don't REALLY know what to do...Okay, correction, I do know what to do, but putting it into action and MAINTAINING it is very difficult.
All I can say is, that will be my focus tomorrow and the day after during general conference.
After all, general conference is personal revelation, if only one would listen.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Moral Questions
As the title says, I'm struggling with moral questions right now.
The first, main, and perhaps only question, is what to do concerning Homecoming. It is customary for Murray High School Boys to take Murray High School Girls to Murray High School Dances.
But I, along with many others, have frequently brought a date from outside of school. The main reason that people whine about this is that less Murray Girls are asked, and therefore, get to go.
When previously confronted with this, I had no issues, I was rather blind at that time.
But now...Many of the girls that might not be going are the ones that I care about, that I want to see be happy...It's a lot more difficult to ask someone outside of the school now.
Here's my personal issue: I don't really like anyone at Murray. Yes, there are a few that perhaps I would like to get to know better, but attending a dance with a friend like that is awkward at best.
And, perhaps I will ask them to a different dance, later in the year. But for now... :)
Well, since I haven't actually asked her yet, I won't spoil nothing ;D
The first, main, and perhaps only question, is what to do concerning Homecoming. It is customary for Murray High School Boys to take Murray High School Girls to Murray High School Dances.
But I, along with many others, have frequently brought a date from outside of school. The main reason that people whine about this is that less Murray Girls are asked, and therefore, get to go.
When previously confronted with this, I had no issues, I was rather blind at that time.
But now...Many of the girls that might not be going are the ones that I care about, that I want to see be happy...It's a lot more difficult to ask someone outside of the school now.
Here's my personal issue: I don't really like anyone at Murray. Yes, there are a few that perhaps I would like to get to know better, but attending a dance with a friend like that is awkward at best.
And, perhaps I will ask them to a different dance, later in the year. But for now... :)
Well, since I haven't actually asked her yet, I won't spoil nothing ;D
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